My dear Stallion,

I am so sorry to have hurt you and pained you. I will try to improve my character and will limit my emotional sensitive behaviour. I don’t have any justification for that. I admit my mistake.Forgive me..

Life has been a struggle and I hated it till you stepped into my world. Now I like to take it as a struggle and just move on. I lived in a world of memories , tears and lost dreams.But you made me see the reality and taught me to accept it.I had a doubt about the person I am.I always want assurance and when I hear something which shakes my confidence from the ones close to my heart I am hurt.I try to pacify but seldom I could.
Life throws at me new challenges everyday. Every moment is a learning. I take things as they are. I understand my limitations.Then I go beyond it and try my best. I consult people whom I think are wiser before I take some decisions. I started taking challenges. But , because this is new to me, and I am in the learning curve, I am feeble and timid sometimes and I lose my confidence…But after sometime, I gain it back…
I know I need some time to be steady..I will be a better one soon…

THE ONLY ONE SENTENCE IS ENOUGH FOR ME TO LIVE TILL THE END…
THAT YOU NEED ME

I believe in my love to you and I believe in YOU, my Stallion….

Its ME and YOU and its all about US……

Love you every fraction of a second multiplied by countless breaths that I take feeling your breath’s fragrance……

“IF SOMEONE DOESN’T APPRECIATE YOUR PRESENCE
THEN
MAKE THEM APPRECIATE YOUR ABSENCE”

I am sorry for those moments of hurt
I’m sorry for all those moments of pain and sadness I caused
I’m sorry for all those troubles I gave you
I’m sorry bcoz I made you uneasy
I’m sorry I just behaved without understanding you

I’m sorry that I stepped into your life
But don’t be sorry that you stepped into my life
Am Blessed bcoz it’s YOU who stepped into my world

Please Know, I’m not sorry to have loved you..
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS MY PATH TO LIFE
but when you jokingly said YOU don’t need my love, I just couldn’t take it even as a joke. I broke .. My heart was broken…

FOR ME, LOVING YOU IS MY LIFE
Just Imagine, If you don’t need my love what am I to live for….
So this thought burned me and I was in chaos

Now I SORTED OUT
I’m Sorry that I pained YOU
But I’m not sorry for LOVING YOU….
I will love you more softly, more swiftly and more deeply with all my love and strength and prayers

I LOVE YOU………………AND WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER……………………
I DON”T CARE IF YOU NEED IT OR NOT
BUT I WILL TRY MY BEST NOT TO HURT YOU,NOT TO PAIN YOU, NOT TO DISTURB YOU….

BUT I WILL LOVE YOU……

He said” I don’t need your love”
But I did love him a lot and am loving him a lot….

He said” I don’t obstruct the flow of love to me but I don’t need love”

You may have many people to love you..
I have none to love

I love to love and be loved
I have nothing but only my love to give you
But you don’t need it

I think no one need my love
Why is it so?
Is my love dirty?
Am I that bad?
Am I a whore?

I know only one thing, I wanted love in life
I wanted to give all the love I had to someone I loved in the past and I couldn’t

Life moved on
Struggles..sorrows… miscarriages.. depressions…
Neglect ion…torture… betrayal….belittling

childhood..teenage…youth and now
I fell in love with a man whose name I hated like anything
Whose native place I hated most….

The destiny plays with me
Once I hated most is before me laughing …
Telling me” See now you love us, bcoz we are associated with your beloved”

how to call this ” funny or cruel?”
Just don’t know ley….

Love is like a waterfall, jumps from the heights
But no one wants my love

May be its worthless
Or may be am worthless
how to call this ” funny or cruel?”
Just don’t know ley….

I am the maddest stupid person I have ever seen and met
how to call this ” funny or cruel?”
Just don’t know ley….

Mother disowned  first…..later want to own me
So I disowned her
Father, loved so much
But threw me in asylum when I loved a man

Years Later, this man tortured me…
Tore me every-night and day
Stained me with blood
But I forgave him bcoz I loved him
He did not want my love
But my services…
In his arms lay my best friend
On the sunny noon, when I went to buy vegetables he liked to cook his meal…

I lost my three little babies whose face I never saw but felt their presence in my womb and heart….

I sank in ocean of depression
An angelic demon came to my world
rescued for a while to throw me into deeper trouble….

then finally he came…His songs made me  feel better..I felt his yearning for an unsatisfied love in them( IT WAS NOT FOR ME< I KNEW IT FROM THE BEGINNING..)
I didn’t like him in the beginning…
No love No marriage
That was the agreement
I agreed but later I broke one in it

I LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY LOVE

Now I realise, sadly but gladly
I did love him with all the permissible purity of a married virgin
I did love him with a heart that’s pure

He may not need it
But I will give it
If he does not need it, He can throw it in the public waste bin near his house…
how to call this ” funny or cruel?”
Just don’t know ley….
BUT I WILL KEEP ON LOVING HIM….

Missing is like kissing
The more you miss more pain
The more you kiss more happiness

But after kiss you miss those kisses….
But after miss you receive those kisses….

I long to receive your kisses though I miss you……

A day says bye

A night says Hi soon to say bye

I am here sitting lonely in my room

Thinking about those relationships…
That are like vehicles in a Highway…..

But this time I think, I have closed my highway
I let all other vehicles pass away but yours
I put a NO ENTRY board to all other vehicles
A “NO EXIT” board to Yours…..

I wish You always stayed in my highway…..

Words are not enough
To say how much I love you
Kisses and hugs are not enough
To show how much I care for you
This life is not enough
To love you the way I want

Tears are not enough to cry
When I miss you….

Forever, forever
I will be loving you…Only YOU

Words are not enough
To write …to tell ….HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU

I want to share this song from www.youtube.com with you

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs5e_3Xi93w&feature=related

Dad said ” don’t believe all who smiles at you”
I followed his words
Dad said” don’t trust those who cry to you”
I did not follow his words

Today, I stand here, sad…
She came , befriended and cried
I was carried away in tears
Finally money melts those tears…

I am alone again..
But this time, I learned a lesson…
I will not believe smiles or tears but ME….

I have to move on and win the great war of life..

But she did this to me?

Sometimes woman is like a toy in the hands of man and vice versa

But sometimes, the wonderful togetherness ….
In sorrow it brings smiles
In struggles it gives support
In challenges it plans strategy
In depression it gives strength
In loneliness it consoles
In madness it enjoys
In togetherness I cherish….

Two towering personalities in my life…
One is a woman powerful, protecting , caring ,possessive , learned, versatile and sings so well touching my life and speaking silently with those beautiful eyes….Lioness….
One is a man, caring, supporting, assuring and protecting, loving, fascinating, humorous , makes me laugh,sings deep touching heart….Stallion….
Oh Life! Never put a choice option to me
To choose one among
I can’t do that…
I will never do that…

I need them in my life….

I feel am a woman….
A woman who is capable of loving and being loved
I realise the blessed womanhood in me
I long for motherhood
I long to mother the child of that man who made me feel, am a woman..
Am blessed bcoz I got a small share of his love…
I cannot long for a bigger share and I know that perfectly well….
I don’t deserve it and I cannot justify myself if I really pursue it
But, it’s a fact that I long for it…..Its a dream which will never be fulfilled…
A dream which will live with me and die with me ….
This dream keeps me alive….
Among the harsh realities of life
In the blood shedding struggles of life
Amidst the rude and cruel faces
This dream keeps me alive…..
I wish this dream was a reality……….